I witnessed the defeat of life today.
A boy of 17 died battling cancer. A boy of 17. Died. Battling cancer.
This is life- harsh, bitter and real where we keep waiting for miracles but they never happen.
I feel so ugly- both body and soul. I have everything one could possibly desire for. I have my mother and father who love me more than anybody else. A sister who means the world to me. At least three blood/ non-blood relations who love and care about me. I don’t have to worry about my everyday meals. I have a roof over my head and I have clothes- enough to last for the rest of my life if I live to be a 90.
More importantly, my lungs are replete with air and my soul with passion.
In short, I am an ungrateful and ugly person.
I somehow always find reasons to be unhappy about. I curse and cringe, forgetting entirely how blessed I am to be able to think and write right now.
Oblivion is inevitable. But how can I possibly use it as a contesting argument against the life which was snatched away at only 17?
THEWALKERPETE- NICK is the one in my thoughts as they take effect. This young legend was battling cancer since the age of 7. I never knew him in person. Alas. His passion for life, his strife against the void, his entire being stands as an inspiration for me and many.
Despite everything, despite being given mere 17 years to live when he should have been given more, despite all the afflictions alongside, despite cancer, he never asked- why me?
I feel so heartbroken, so miserable that I could barely see through my misty eyes. my ink smears and my heart tears to pieces. I really wish to ask that on behalf of his side- why him?
Why was he fated so? Why was his being confined to only 17 years of painful existence when he should have something more, something better? Why do people suffer reasonless? Why?
I have no answers to comfort my miserably-burning soul a little. If you do, please enlighten me too. I shall forever be indebted.
My words are not only a quest for reasons for him, but for all those who suffer that which should be kept in store for the ugly humans.
At this moment, it feels like my life I gave away to little things of no importance. It’s now time for the BIG things that I always advocated. I don’t know what they are, but I know that they are big and I should focus- not by force but by free will.
For too long have I been selfish, materialistic, unkind and unthinking. I hope to better myself today. I hope to take the first step towards the BIG things today.
I do not know if heaven exists, but I know you have the power to make heaven of any place. I wish your soul takes possession of my body and mingles with mine. I shall be a medium of all the light you wanted to ignite.
I will always remember you. ❤